his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
