is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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