I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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