I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
