in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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