It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
