I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
