So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
