And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
