you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
