I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
