well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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