Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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