so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
