A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ttyl tear gas
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
