now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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