If i come over, it means nothing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My life is pants optional.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
