i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
