If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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