just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
