Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
