a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
