she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
