I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
