Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
