I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need water and some morals
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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