Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
