apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
