I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
