Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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