I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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