The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
