you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
