Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
