I feel like abortions should bother me more
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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