Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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