Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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