we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
