So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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