wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
