READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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