Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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