After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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