My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
