Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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