I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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