I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
