fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize