It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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