Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize