Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
