She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
