Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
