don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
True strength comes from lack of pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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