dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
