We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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