Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did I show you my penis last night?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
