I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
