My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
