There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize