My sheets look like a crime scene.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
