So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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