Just fell off a train. Bad.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
