So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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