this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
