ADVERTISEMENT

• (846): View more from

  He asked to "fluff my boner.."

  Fav 3 888 1930

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

  Fav 69 6019 1454

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (641): View more from Iowa

  are you wasted or are you getting laid?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ebdebdebdebd

  (641): View more from Iowa

  wow

  Fav 23 5825 956

  share tweet
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Fav 140 2236 38908

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

  Fav 11 4884 2142

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.

  Fav 7 2899 1371

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away

  Fav 8 6970 1235

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs

  Fav 7 1893 765

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon

  Fav 2 714 1300

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.

  Fav 2 1111 565

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it

  Fav 0 554 327

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (712): View more from Iowa

  I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.

  Fav 0 78 5

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?

  Fav 0 23 13

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence

  Fav 0 51 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (940): View more from Texas

  i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.

  Fav 0 56 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize