Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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