If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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