Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
