Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
