i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize